I'm All Alone,Living In a World Of Strangers
by ilove2dance
Summary: One-Shot. Cassie's thoughts at the Wake for her Grandma at the start of Ep 20. Just about how much she misses her and how she is feeling now. Bit Angsty/Depressing. Hope You Enjoy it Please tell me what you think. R&R.


_Hey Guys! Just a one shot about Cassie's thoughts and stuff as she's walking through her house at the Wake for Her Grandma! From the start for Episode 20!_

Numb. That is what I'm feeling right now. Numb. Loads of people from the town are crowded round in my house telling stories about my grandma and toasting to her life. Everywhere I walk I get sympathetic looks of my grandma's friends. They keep looking at me like I'm going to break any minute now.

I haven't cried all morning. I want to but I'm trying to hold it in until everyone leaves because I don't want to look weak, it's stupid I know but I don't want people going round thinking of me as poor little weak Cassie. Lots of grandma's friends have given me photos of when she was younger she looks just like my mum. That's the hardest part; she was the only living link I had to my mum.

Now she's gone too, and I'm all alone. Diana is in the corner of the room talking to some people she has been avoiding ever since I told how she might be my sister the other day, I'll go and talk to her later but right now I just can't be bothered.

Half of me is grateful for this house; full of distractions all these people talking to me, telling me about my grandma. The other half wishes they would all go away so I could just break down on my own in private.

Last night was the first night since just after my mum died that I've cried myself to sleep. It's not fair first my mum dies then my grandma. I just feel all alone and helpless, she always knew what to do to make me feel better. I can't even grieve properly at the moment not with all the circle stuff. Witch hunters killed my grandma; I am going to make them pay for it. I am going to punish every single witch hunters involved until they are all dead. I am going to destroy them.

I can't believe she's gone, she had only just got back from the hospital a couple of weeks ago and now she was gone. Forever, I hate the thought of that the fact that I'll never see her again; she'll never say hello to me or make me a coffee. It's scary to think about. If she hadn't of been here after I lost mum I don't think I would have coped at all, she kept me going. But now I have no one to keep me going this time; Adam doesn't love me anymore, Diana is ignoring me, Melissa has her own problems and Faye well Faye probably couldn't care less.

I'm on my own, I'm slowly getting used to that now, ever since I Lost Adam I've felt all alone and nothing anyone could say or do could make it better. I got good at hiding my feelings, it's like when I'm around my friends I have a permanent mask up it's like I'm living a lie. But then my grandma came home and she was the one person I could be myself around, my walls came down and I told her everything. We laughed, we cried, she listened, I talked. I'll miss that, my grandma was an amazing listener and she always knew what to do.

I miss her so much, it's unreal and she's only been gone a day. She'd hate me for all these sad thoughts for being all depressed but I can't help it, I just miss her so much. She would tell me to get on with my life, to carry on and be strong. She wouldn't want me to mope around missing her but I can't help it.

Now she's gone the house is silent. It's horrible it's such a big house and everywhere I go I'm met with silence and empty rooms. There's only me living here now in a house built for a family. I had a family but they're all gone now, well except my dad but he's only been back in my life for like a month and I still don't know if I can trust him. I don't trust him enough to let my mask slip and show him the real me yet. He's worried about me though I can tell, worried about me all alone in this big house. I think most people are worried about me; I've been incredibly quite ever since my grandma died and not very like myself. Jake has hardly left my side; he keeps offering to sleep over on the coach and stuff to keep me company. I keep telling him I'm fine, I just keep on lying.

As soon as everything is sorted and we have defeated the witch hunters I think getting out of chance harbour would be a good idea. I know I shouldn't leave the circle, but there is so many memories here, painful memories of my grandma. There is nothing keeping me here except the circle, once everything is sorted and the witch hunters are gone. Everyone will be safe and I can leave, get away from here. I don't think anyone can talk me out of it, it will be easier for everyone if I leave, Adam can get on with his life, find someone without feeling guilty, I can try to get on with my life although without Adam I don't think it will work very well. I know I tried to talk Diana out of leaving after we defeated the witch hunters but after everything that's happened now I think it's a good idea if I get out of here. I can always come back one day, in the future when I'm over everything that has happened here.

Some old man is staring at me as I sat at the table staring into space; I've only just noticed him. I don't recognise him, he must just be a friend of my grandma's to be honest I don't know loads of the people who turned up this morning to honour my grandma. They've all told me how sorry they are and how wonderful she was. Every person I've talked to this morning has said similar things about how sad it is that Jane is gone.

I feel like wherever I go I'm being watched and stared at by people concerned about me. It's all getting too much, my dad sat me down and tried to get me too eat something even though I told him I wasn't hungry. I think he's getting really worried now. All the circle members keep staring at me too with worry etched on their faces, they think I don't notice them staring at me as I sit down silently but I do. It feels good to just sit and watch what everyone else is doing to try and take my mind of everything that has happened.

I'm so tired, I hardly slept last night and right now all I feel like doing is running up to my bedroom and crying till I fall to sleep. When I sleep I dream of my grandma, she talks to me and tells me what to do, tells me to stay strong. I decide to go upstairs to get away from all the strangers and their sympathy, even though I do know people who are here I feel like they're all strangers, like they have no idea what I'm going through even though they do. Especially Jake he knows about losing people you love even more than I do. I still go and sit in my room as soon as I'm alone the tears that were threatening to take over while I was downstairs start to fall and soon I'm sobbing so loud I'm pretty sure everyone downstairs can here me.

I can't believe she's gone.

_Hope you like it! I nearly started crying writing this :L How soft am i? Please Review and tell me what you think! Thanks guys xxx_


End file.
